La Tortura

So its 3 AM. The world is stealing an hour from me with this whole Daylight Savings business. Argh…I usually can’t fall asleep until 3:30 on Saturday nights. Guess its gonna have to be 4:30 tonight. I should be doing my history homework right now but I’m in one of my A.D.D./ Schitzo moods right now. Don’t worry peeps, I haven’t actually been diagnosed with those illnesses, it’s just that my habit of talking out loud to myself is considered “abnormal” by some people. Oh well, guess I’m going to just keep drinking my chai and ranting at the world. So, for all those who have somehow, miraculously, managed to follow my completely distorted chain of thought, let us get to the topic at hand. The topic for tonight is “Love & Marriage”.

*BLEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

EW. I know. If you are a single girl and you have been out of high school for three years or more, I probably just triggered your gag reflex and for that I humbly offer my sincerest apologies. For those of you 18 and under, get outta here now. Go back to the BYLA rooftop looking for YGLA and enjoy your naivety.

Uch. I do not have a good feeling about this but here it goes. Ok, so here is that deep dark secret I don’t tell many people. I don’t believe in love.

J.D. I just totally heard your gasp ;)

Let me clarify. I do believe in the concept of love, but I don’t believe in love before marriage. When you first meet someone you might feel a connection, extreme liking, infatuation, lust, etc. Saying you love someone after a couple of weeks or even after a year just strikes me as weird. You can just imagine how I feel about “love at first sight” (double blech). I don’t know what love is but I would hope that it’s not something that every person in the world can experience just like that. Love is valuable. It must be earned. I hope one day I’ll be able to experience it but until then I’m perfectly content just making fun of those who are trapped in its clutches.

Yah I know. I’m totally unromantic. Deal with it. Many of you might be thinking, “Well of course she doesn’t understand love. She’s never been in love!”. Well guess what, your point is totally valid. No, thank G-d I have never been in love. They say “Love is blind”, and I’m too young to lose my eyesight!

Honestly, I’m 21. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. I have been told many times that I’m not being a good Jewish girl going after an education and all. Apparently it would be far better for me to sit around at some boring but “Kosher” job so some old yenta can marry me off to her grandson. Apparently I’m not being “aggressive” enough when it comes to the dating world. Apparently times have changed, there is a shidduch crisis and if I want to get married I gotta whittle down to a size 2 and take out some loans so my dear husband won’t have to worry about the bills.  "Shidduch crisis" my butt.  Yes, times have changed but one thing that hasn’t changed is the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu (G-d). When it’s time Hashem gives it to you. Don't tell me someone else is gonna steal my guy. If she marries him then he was never mine. I hate shadcahnim who try to turn you into some sort of Bais Yaakov prototype. I am who I am and I want to meet someone who is truly honest about who he is.

Ok, the last paragraph was about 5 different rants. For anyone who might still be reading this please excuse my rambling. I know nothing. Don’t get me wrong. I can’t wait to fall in love. I just want it to happen in the most perfect way possible. I don’t want it to be when he’s wooing me. That’s just way too typical. I hope it just happens gradually and one day, ten years into my marriage I’m folding laundry and I’ll realize I’ve never been happier in my life.  Ooops, maybe I’m a romantic after all ;)

Comments? Feel free to express yourself below. I love being proven wrong!