Ouch.

 "בדרך שאדם רוצה לילך מוליכין אותו"

"B'derech she'adam rotzeh leilech molichin oto"

Whatever path you choose in order to fulfill Torah requirements, no matter how misguided, G-d assists you.

So this morning I want to take care of something I have been avoiding for a long time. It’s going to be difficult and possibly painful for not only me but all other parties involved, however there is an injustice going on and I do not intend to just stand and watch it. I honestly think I am probably the only person who can change the situation but without the cooperation of others involved it will much harder to get this issue resolved.

This post is basically a prayer to Hashem.

It’s a prayer that Hashem will put exactly the right words in my mouth, the wisdom to know what details to fight about and also when to keep my mouth shut. I just hope the situation hasn’t fallen apart to the point where the pieces can’t be put back together. I also pray that no one thinks that I’m doing this for any personal reason. Actually, I do have a personal reason involved. I’m doing this for the sake of my sanity. I have already lost countless nights of sleep over this issue and if I ever want to get any good REM sleep ever again I gotta know that I did all that I can. Oh, and for my psych majors, there is some major cognitive dissonance going on here as well.

So by now you are probably dying of curiosity to know what is 

going on. I doubt any of the people involved read my blog but I am still hesitant to violate their privacy though I think everyone, including myself would have a lot to learn from this story. I cant tell you my story, but you can tell me yours. Here is the lesson I learned, see if you can relate or create your own story or situation.

Sometimes in our lives there are people we cannot understand. They are different. They may look different, speak differently, have different societal norms, have a lower IQ, be psychologically or emotionally disturbed, etc. I always thought of myself as a tolerant person. I always thought “Oh, you’re not like me? You say you are different? Don’t worry, we can still work together!” Don’t get me wrong this still holds true. It is just that I never realized that I had a prerequisite for someone to be on the receiving end of my tolerant behavior. In order for me to treat you the same as anyone else, you need to consciously be aware of the fact that you are different.

Yah, I know, I’m a horrible person. Trust me, it took me a while to come to this conclusion but I think now that I’m aware of the more subconscious decisions I make, I can hopefully fix this in myself. I have some theories on why I and other people might behave like this, but I’ll save those for later. Now the only way I feel like I can fix this is by making this person’s life a little easier. I need fix the way people treat this person by setting a personal example. Trust me this aint going to be easy. Some people are difficult to tolerate and I have got to be careful that I don’t get abused or taken advantage of either. All I know is that this is why I’m here. This is why I’m involved in this situation. Because I am the one who can fix it.

"Whatever path you choose in order to fulfill Torah requirements, no matter how misguided, G-d assists you."

Hashem, this is my path. Guide me. 

Shidduch priorities

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVHQhTb9_q0

Just saw this video and all it did was make me laugh. Yes, there is a shidduch crisis but it aint the age gap thats a problem. Its the "height/financial/weight/not blonde enough" gap that seems to be the problem. Its our attitudes which need fine tuning, not the age of the people we seek. Yes, I think age is a factor, but would you really turn down an awesome guy because he is one year older than your "cutoff age"? Probably not. Would you turn him down because of his receding hairline? 


Hmmmmm, G-d bless that fifth amendment. 


Priorities. 

La Tortura

So its 3 AM. The world is stealing an hour from me with this whole Daylight Savings business. Argh…I usually can’t fall asleep until 3:30 on Saturday nights. Guess its gonna have to be 4:30 tonight. I should be doing my history homework right now but I’m in one of my A.D.D./ Schitzo moods right now. Don’t worry peeps, I haven’t actually been diagnosed with those illnesses, it’s just that my habit of talking out loud to myself is considered “abnormal” by some people. Oh well, guess I’m going to just keep drinking my chai and ranting at the world. So, for all those who have somehow, miraculously, managed to follow my completely distorted chain of thought, let us get to the topic at hand. The topic for tonight is “Love & Marriage”.

*BLEEEEECHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*

EW. I know. If you are a single girl and you have been out of high school for three years or more, I probably just triggered your gag reflex and for that I humbly offer my sincerest apologies. For those of you 18 and under, get outta here now. Go back to the BYLA rooftop looking for YGLA and enjoy your naivety.

Uch. I do not have a good feeling about this but here it goes. Ok, so here is that deep dark secret I don’t tell many people. I don’t believe in love.

J.D. I just totally heard your gasp ;)

Let me clarify. I do believe in the concept of love, but I don’t believe in love before marriage. When you first meet someone you might feel a connection, extreme liking, infatuation, lust, etc. Saying you love someone after a couple of weeks or even after a year just strikes me as weird. You can just imagine how I feel about “love at first sight” (double blech). I don’t know what love is but I would hope that it’s not something that every person in the world can experience just like that. Love is valuable. It must be earned. I hope one day I’ll be able to experience it but until then I’m perfectly content just making fun of those who are trapped in its clutches.

Yah I know. I’m totally unromantic. Deal with it. Many of you might be thinking, “Well of course she doesn’t understand love. She’s never been in love!”. Well guess what, your point is totally valid. No, thank G-d I have never been in love. They say “Love is blind”, and I’m too young to lose my eyesight!

Honestly, I’m 21. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me. I have been told many times that I’m not being a good Jewish girl going after an education and all. Apparently it would be far better for me to sit around at some boring but “Kosher” job so some old yenta can marry me off to her grandson. Apparently I’m not being “aggressive” enough when it comes to the dating world. Apparently times have changed, there is a shidduch crisis and if I want to get married I gotta whittle down to a size 2 and take out some loans so my dear husband won’t have to worry about the bills.  "Shidduch crisis" my butt.  Yes, times have changed but one thing that hasn’t changed is the presence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu (G-d). When it’s time Hashem gives it to you. Don't tell me someone else is gonna steal my guy. If she marries him then he was never mine. I hate shadcahnim who try to turn you into some sort of Bais Yaakov prototype. I am who I am and I want to meet someone who is truly honest about who he is.

Ok, the last paragraph was about 5 different rants. For anyone who might still be reading this please excuse my rambling. I know nothing. Don’t get me wrong. I can’t wait to fall in love. I just want it to happen in the most perfect way possible. I don’t want it to be when he’s wooing me. That’s just way too typical. I hope it just happens gradually and one day, ten years into my marriage I’m folding laundry and I’ll realize I’ve never been happier in my life.  Ooops, maybe I’m a romantic after all ;)

Comments? Feel free to express yourself below. I love being proven wrong!